My picture today says it all. Had a bad dream last night that my girlfriend left me for an ex boyfriend. This boyfriend sent her a friend request on Facebook and she neither accepted or denied it (that happened in real life). It was really bothering me. I asked her if she had done anything about it and she got angry at me. She eventually deleted the request but again, the damage was done.
I don’t know how to talk to her anymore. My anxiety and insecurities just pile on and I am screwed either way. I don’t hold things in well. It turns me into a ticking time bomb. But if I try and talk to her, she gets angry. She is tired of what she calls accusations. I am not accusing her of anything. It is the scenarios and “what-ifs” that play out in my head. It boils down to trust. I guess there is no other word for it. But I do trust her, I am just terrified.
I also don’t handle change well (I’m sure I’ve said that before). And she has changed a lot lately. Puts me on high alert. She is trying to find herself. She has been hurt a lot, too. And I guess me “not trusting” her hurts her more than I realize.
So now my day is stopping the panic attacks from thinking she is going to leave me. I don’t think she is but it is one of those scenarios.
Luckily, I have all this snow to keep me preoccupied….more later!