You’re not always the bad guy

Remember: while you may be suffering from some sort of mental illness, you are not always the bad guy when it comes to relationship issues. It takes 2 people to make or break any relationship! One person can’t blah, blah, blah, blah….

Tired of hearing that crap, too? We all know that to be a true statement. It does take 2 people and it isn’t always our fault. Problem is, sometimes it is hard to believe it. We are our own worst enemies and we beat ourselves up. Especially, the next day when the chemicals and emotions have subsided and we realize how much control those 2 things have. We know that we say things or (even worse) do things we shouldn’t. It is hard to control it once the rage monsters come out.

But sometimes – maybe a lot of the time – those rage monsters are let out of their cages by the other person. Depending on your significant other and THEIR issues, they may push just the right buttons where it feels almost impossible to keep those demons in check.

Yes…I said it and you (and I) need to remember it. THEIR issues. They are people, too. They have issues, too. In the case of my girlfriend, she is ridiculously passive-aggressive. Her and I have talked about it a million times: when she shuts down, it enrages me to no end. Should it? No. That is her choice. But last night she pushed it to the limit. She shut down like a 3 year old throwing a tantrum. It was in that moment, trying to control the rage monster, that I realized…I wasn’t handling things in a wrong way. Sure, I could have walked away for a little while and let us both cool off, but I approached my issues and frustrations as a conversation. I was talking to her calmly and she shut down. That is not on me. The more she shut down, the angrier I got. The monster slipped out a few times and I yelled. Those times, I walked away (probably not long enough), and came back and talked calmly. But, while I was talking calmly, she blankly played solitaire on her phone and acted as if I was not even there.

Since 7:45 last night (it is now 10:15 am), the only 3 words I got from her were “Good morning” (in response to mine this morning) and “bye” as she walked out the door to work. I know she is angry. I know she may be hurt. I am not perfect. We have problems. But to go this long is excessive.

It is very difficult to focus on anything else today. I feel sick to my stomach and I just want to talk to her to fix it. But she doesn’t want to talk. I don’t know what she wants right now because she won’t talk to me. She won’t even give me an answer on if she wants this to be over or not. So, I need to focus on me now I guess. When she is ready to talk, I hope she will. We have both put too much into this for it to just end like this.

I keep saying I am willing to work, yet I keep doing the same things that cause problems. Maybe if I start to change my problems, it will be a show of good faith and she will work on hers. I need to give the Abilify more time to see if it helps me control things a little better. But it does take 2 people who both want to make things work for the relationship to blossom.

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