Thought I had turned the corner

The last 2 days have been great. Not that anything special happened. I just had a lot more energy than I had and I was not tired! Today…back to it. I did not sleep well last night and I am hoping that is all there is to it.

I was a little upset at my girlfriend but I realize it was 100% on me. After going to her oldest daughter’s high school softball game, we went out to get some dinner with the 2 of us, her daughter’s father and his wife, and an old coach of her daughter’s who we are all mutual friends of. My girlfriend and I discussed whether both of us or just one of us (me) would go home and let the dog out. So about 7:30, I left to take care of the dog, figuring, being a school/work night, they would be leaving by 8:30 or so. It was about 1/2 hr drive to our house, but they ended up staying until 10:00. Had I known, I would have gone back!

This was probably a good thing for me because I realized that getting upset was pointless. Asking her to come home would be stupid as there was no reason for her to come home. She is an adult and knows that a late night turns into a long day the next day.

I ended up talking myself out of a bad mood and that means I probably talked myself out of a fight. She got home, we talked for a little while and went to bed. Crisis averted.

But today, I am anxious again. And tired. I was hoping I had turned the corner and was dealing with everything well. The way my brain works is I now sit there going “ok, that was just a manic episode and wasn’t real”.

I am probably the worst over-thinker on the planet. I make mountains out of molehills without hesitation or regard for the mood it will probably put me in. I’m working on it (CBT tools, for the win!) but it will take time.

I just hope that I get some sleep this weekend and that the way I felt was the beginning of things to come. Only time will tell!

Anyway, I hope you are all doing well in your life’s journey! Stay strong and remember, you are not alone in your struggles!!


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