So much anxiety

That’s my life lately. Anxious, anxious, anxious. It just never seems to end. I HATE being dependent on a pill to make it “stop”. I am starting to wonder if it is a side effect of the Abilify. I have never had anxiety this bad for this many days in a row. Xanax or Ativan cut the edge, but it just doesn’t go away. I have been back on the Abilify for almost a month now, so I wonder if I just need some more adjustment time. I am only taking 5mg so if anything the dose is too low from what I have read.

I just want to stop the anxiety. Writing here helps. Gives me an outlet for the racing thoughts. But I would love to find a hobby or something to truly just let me escape, even if for an hour or so.

I played baseball this past Sunday and that was a lot of fun. Problem is, I am 38 and I paid for it physically over the next 2 days. Sore muscles and joints. So the trade off is hurt mind or hurt body. Don’t want either. I know the physical pain will get better as the season goes on but it is a little scary realizing that my body just doesn’t heal like it used to.

The sick cycle just continues. Anxiety that never ends which leads to exhaustion and depression. So frustrating. Tired of the pills and tired of just not being happy. I know my personal life (relationship) plays a major role in this anxiety and communication is really failing. We are working on it and it will take time. Hopefully, as that gets better, some of the anxiety will go away.

Anyway, I need to stop complaining. Things could be so much worse. I have great kids and a roof over my head. While I have some money struggles, I can still pay all my bills on time. I have a large, loving family that I know are there for me. And I have a lot of friends that care about me and my well being.

Life really is good….just tired of stressing about it. Tired of being anxious. Tired of not being able to appreciate everything that I have.

 

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