I have not written in a while and I am not sure why. For those that follow this, an update on my mood: stable! The ups and downs have been tolerable.
The problem is my relationship may be beyond repair. I had a conversation with my girlfriend on Friday where she basically told me she loves me but is not in-love with me. She said she is not ready to give up on us yet but she doesn’t know if she can ever “get that feeling back.” She said neither of us is getting out what we want. Her: my trust. Me: her love.
So, what do I do? She says she is not looking and needs to trust that she will tell me if/when she figures things out. I don’t really know how to act around her. I know that I cannot make her (or anyone) feel a certain way.
The strange thing is, hearing that from her almost put me at ease. I have “known” this for a while, but confirmation that my gut was right was almost soothing.
The question is now, how long do we keep up this facade? My gut says she will probably never feel the way she did again. There is no intimacy. We are friends/roommates at this point. But, I still end up paying (at least half) for her and her kids. There is a part of me that feels like I am being taken advantage of. There is another part of me that feels she does love me and really is confused.
So, I have been trying to give her space and truly try and trust her. I don’t question her about things and let her live her own life. I know the answer to this is obvious and I guess I am just holding out hope. It doesn’t help my anxiety and it should be apparent that I am not happy in the situation.
How long do I do this? I know none of you have an answer, as it is up to me. It becomes rhetorical, but sometimes we can only answer our own questions after we actually ask them.
A real Jack-in-the-Box 