Things are getting very real. Since the breakup with my girlfriend, the muddy water of the future has started to clear a little. I need to find a new home for the dog and a new home for me. All this and sell the current house, in addition to selling my broken car and hopefully getting something for it. And so on, and so forth….
I am beyond overwhelmed. Just the THOUGHT of physically moving my stuff has my anxiety in a tailspin. Let alone the process of buying and selling a house. I feel bad for the dog but have some good leads on a good home. And I finally listed my car online to see if I can sell that. (I have a line of people now waiting to see it!)
But it feels like the list keeps growing. This is not going to be easy. Trying to fight the depression of losing my girlfriend and, subsequently, my very charmed life is tough. I don’t have the energy to get up most days but have to go to work, be a (single) dad, do the chores and get a house ready to sell. I am in a constant state of stress/fear/anxiety. Money has my stomach in knots.
At this point, I need to apologize for the rambling. My brain is not processing this whole process very well. The timeline will not work itself out in my head. I have so many questions and not many answers yet. This is not good for my feeble little bipolar brain that is suffering breakup depression. But, as things start getting done and I can cross things off my list, it should get easier, right?
I am turning to whomever reads this as an escape. A way to get my thoughts out to remind myself that others have done this. STRENGTH IN NUMBERS!! EVERYONE has dealt with these things before. Yes, to different extents, but still stressful.
I CAN DO THIS! I CAN DO THIS! I CAN DO THIS! I have done it before…sort of. When I found out my ex-wife had cheated, I packed up and left the house. Difference was I didn’t have to sell a house and move. I just moved out. It was easy. This…this is not easy. I have to find a home for me and my stuff. I would love to take the dog, too, but for his sake and my own, we all need to de-stress. I know he will find a good home. He’s a good dog, just a little hyper because he is a puppy.
I am also too depressed to have any patience. I don’t have much leave-time from work to take days off to deal with these things. And if I run out of leave, I don’t get paid and then my money problems are compounded.
So, that was my bitch session. I really don’t have a choice but to get through this. And WHEN I do, I will be better off for it. The sale of my house will go to alleviate all of the debt accrued and then some. It should set me up for a fairly stable financial life which is far from where I am now. I need to remind myself of that. This will be GOOD for me in the long run.
As for the place to live…new beginnings, right? A fresh start. I just don’t want a step down in quality of life. My girls need to still have their own rooms, not be forced to share again like the apartment I was in before I bought this house.
There we go: the goals. Good life for the dog, same quality of life for me and my girls, and more stable financial life. Sounds good…so why the anxiety? Ugh….I can do this!!