The ups and downs continue and it is getting harder and harder to try and deal with the realities of the situation. Motivation to move forward is almost gone. I need to sell my house but I can’t get myself to do all the things that come with it. My realtor went on vacation and said they would contact me after the 4th of July. They haven’t but I can’t seem to find it in me to pick up the phone and call them.
I am so overwhelmed and lonely. I feel guilty if I talk to other women, even as friends. I feel like that just destroys any chance I have of getting back with someone who obviously does not want any part of me that way.
Why am I clinging to someone that doesn’t love me?
Ok…that is more rhetorical than anything because I know why. I want my comfortable, content life back. I feel like I am losing everything I wanted and don’t know what my new “wants” are yet. I don’t know where I want to live and thinking about it stresses me out.
The thought of her seeing someone else turns my stomach. I don’t think she wants a relationship and I am pretty sure she just wants super casual. But I don’t like that idea at all.
The fact is…IT IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS. She needs to live her life and I need to live mine. Without her. Without a care about her life.
Why is this so hard? Why am struggling so much? I just want peace. I want a good night’s sleep. I want to be happy with where I am. Not having my skin crawl because I am so stressed out about things that should not affect me.